The receptionist and veterinary assistant made such a fuss over him, ooohing and ahhing while Murray spazzed out running from person to person. He’s always so excited when he gets to make new friends. I sat in the blue plastic chair while the VA rubbed him down, checking his stomach for irregularities.
“Has he eaten anything lately? Gotten into any trash?”
I immediately felt the blood creep up my neck and into my cheeks.
“Well….yeah. I mean we are cooking all the time and drop things on the floor by accident…”
“But has he eaten trash?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
I looked at the floor, then back at her, then at the floor again.
“Well…yes, I mean…yeah.” I stammered like an idiot, my voice an entire octave above where it normally is. She kept looking at me, intently. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I whined.
“It’s ok, just tell me what he ate.”
“I don’t know if he ate it.”
“Okaaay?” Sassy black lady at her finest. The sass was off the charts, but I liked her anyway.
“We caught him..” I was outwardly cringing, “chewing on a tampon he dragged out of the bathroom trash.”
My mind flashed back to last Wednesday. I was having a particularly hormonal couple of days and went to lay down and take a nap. My boyfriend, who works from home was well…working… so we allow the dog out, but no one was keeping an eye on him.
I woke up from the nap and wandered out into the main room. Dog was underneath the table chewing away furiously and boyfriend was standing over him trying to verbally command him to spit it out.
“Whats up?” I mumbled groggily.
“Murray’s chewing on something. It looks like a paper towel with mud on it.”
I instantly knew.
“Get away from it!”
“What?” My boyfriend asked confused.
“Just get the fuck away from it!”
“From what?”
“Just do it!!!”
Back in the Vet’s office The VA burst into a thick, hearty laugh. “I knew you was going to say that.”
I laughed nervously. “Does it happen a lot?” She’s probably just trying to make me feel better.
“No, really.” She said, as if she could hear my thoughts. “Five out of ten dogs in here with stomach troubles we get stories like that, happens all the time. We don’t know why but dogs just seem to go for that type of thing.”
Nearly 200.00 later Murray (who had been vomiting for a few days-not tampon related) is back to his old self again. He even finds time to dig mine (and ocassionally, boyfriends) underthings out of the laundry. It’s one of his favorite games.
I write this because I like to blog about things un-finance related from time to time, and thought it might be funny. All of this stuff with Murray makes me imagine what having a kid is like. Even though they do ridiculous and sometimes completely gross (extravagantly disgusting…) things we spend money and care for them anyway, because we love them unconditionally. Not that I’m looking to have kids anytime soon, Murray and his panty-theiving ways are plenty for right now, thanks.
Murray is a fan of men’s underwear too. NOM NOM NOM
Has your pet ever done something completely disgusting/ridiculous?
Like Sisqo, Murray also enjoys that thong, tha-thong, thong, thong.
L Bee and the Money Tree 
My dog likes to hump our throw blankets. It’s quite an unfortunately surprise when you accidentally leave a blanket unattended, within reach.
JP sounds like you need to get your dog a ‘girlfriend’. My cat likes to do his ‘business’ on these sheepskin rugs from ikea. I bought it for him thinking he might sleep on it. He doesn’t stick around for cuddling though. The funniest part of it is that he seems to love using it when friends are over. He’ll drag that thing out of the corner and go to work with everyone laughing.
Lauren sorry to hear that you dog is into eating inappropriate things. I guess you need a different bathroom garbage can lol. Great story. Definitely keep mixing in stories like this.
Haha I know. My mom said “Why don’t you just get a garbage can with a flip top”.
Hahaha that’s hilarious! My dog isn’t really a chewer, but she can’t resist spent fabric softener sheets, I don’t know what it is about them but I’ll often find them on her bed, partially chewed. She used to have a bad habit of getting into the litter box but thankfully since I’ve switched her food, that’s subsided. We’ve all been there!
at least dryer sheets smell good!
Love the photo caption
I know! Right?
Yep, my Bosco found a used Tampon some years ago. He was boarded at the vets. office while we were on a trip. I am not sure where he found it, but he pooped it on the vet’s lawn!!!
That’s awesome. But apparently they can be at a real risk when that happens, especially with the small dogs.
”A paper towel with mud on it.” There went my coffee.
Our cat once swallowed an eraser of a dog. Surgery to remove that one. Vet bill? $550. Laughs later? Priceless.
Sorry Joe, guess I shoulda put a disclaimer!
LOL This is absolutely hilarious. My dog used to have a bit of an underwear fetish, but the same goes for socks or any small human clothes. She got over it.
Hilarious!! Jasper (my Shih-Tzu) has never chewed on a tampon, but he has dug many a panty liner out of the trash and eaten it. His poop looks really strange when it comes out. So far we haven’t had to go to the vet over it.
Murray is half shih-tzu, maybe it’s something in the breed?
That’s so funny! My cat is like a shark–he has to try anything that falls on the floor. And since he knows he isn’t supposed to, he dashes up to it, munches it down and darts away. Compared to when we give him treats and it takes him 5 minutes to eat the things…..
As for disgusting? My cat is a dirty creature who only begrudgingly cleans himself. Every once in a while, he stops which means he gets a bath. Well, if I don’t pay attention right after the bath, he will find the nearest pile of dirt (as in, I’m sweeping and turned to gather the dustpan) and roll in it. Or he’ll head for his litter box to roll in it….
That is gross and hilarious!!! Doesn’t surprise me at all. The only two things I can remember about my cat is 1. One time he must have eaten some kind of string, because there was a tiny bit of it hanging out his butt, and i just pulled on it because I thought it was stuck. Oh no, that sucker was really long and he wiggled ferociously. I probably could have done some serious internal damage but I didn’t know. It was sick. The other weird thing he does is his reaction to chlorine. One day I went swimming in a pool and my bathing suit was on the bathroom floor when I was showering. I came out and he was practically raping my bathing suit. They go crazy for that chemical smell apparently. (drano and bleach too). I never wore that bathing suit again.
One time my mom thought her cat, John, ate one of her diabetes pills while she turned around for a split second to re-fill her water glass, but she couldn’t remember how many pills she had already taken. To be sure, she rushed him to the vet and had his stomach pumped. He had to stay at the vet for monitoring overnight – hooked up to a little IV in his leg. My dad wasn’t too happy about his $600 vet bill. And they couldn’t even tell if he’d swallowed it or not. Reason number 8,562 why I don’t want pets.
Awww Kayla, crazy stories are half the fun 🙂
My daycare kids once informed me that Brandy (my hub’s lab) had pooped a “balloon” on the lawn.
The “balloon” came from our bedroom trashcan…. After that incident, my hubs learned to FLUSH the evidence.
Dogs are gross, but hey, we love ’em… most of the time. lol
This may be my favorite story of the day!!
haha ! Too good. At least you weren’t alone in this. Something instinctual for sure, but it does make for an awkward vet visit. Glad he’s back to his healthy, underwear chewing self.
Thanks so much for commenting. It always means a lot when first-time commenters drop in 🙂
I’m DYING! So funny! My dog loves undies as well- the sweatier, the better. And on a grosser note, he also tries to get, er, prophylactics out of the trash!
Oh man hilarious! I don’t have any pets, so no funny stories 😦
I’d attempt to leave a meaningful comment, but just can’t stop laughing. Thanks so much for the laugh! 🙂
You encouraged me to write the piece!
Our Aussie had a thing for underwear and socks. He also had a shoe fetish, though he didn’t actually chew the shoes, he just rolled around with his nose in them.
One of the explanations I heard for the behavior is that in the wild, dogs have to bury things that smell strongly of the pack, in order to prevent predators from tracking them. Underwear and socks smell the most strongly of us, so by destroying (or burying) these things, they are protecting the pack.
Or it could just be that they smell strongly of the people they love, and therefore the dog likes to have them around.
I’t embarrassing, its funny, sadly, it’s also dangerous.
Our Aussie had a bowel obstruction from eating a bath towel. He had surgery, which went fine, but then went septic. 36 hours later, we had a $3.5k vet bill but had lost our baby.
So for anything cloth, I would recommend doing your best to keep it away from the dog.
My goodness. I am so sorry to hear about your dog! Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your advice!
Wow this was a good laugh… poor dog. Needs to learn a thing or two.
I know how awful that must have been for, but I couldn’t help cracking up while reading this. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with out dog doing that. The worst thing she does…so far, is resisting house-training and peeing everywhere.:-)
Pingback: Weekend Links and Love | Enemy of Debt: Where Behavior Meets Reality
Pingback: Saturday Links & Blogs I Love: Relaxation Edition | When Life Gives You Lemons
Haha, dogs are terrible sometimes! My dodoesnt like panties but did eat the neighbors gas meter… It was a rough day.