I have to disclaim this post: it’s written as a joke. As a new blogger I’ve probably committed one (or all) of the mistakes below before wisening up. I don’t think I’m better than anybody else, and I don’t mean to offend anyone- especially those in the PF community who support me and read my posts. I simply want to inject a little bit of humor into something I think we all realize is a problem: redundant financial conversations.
1) Your road to your financial goals is like a……..
I’ve seen it all-your financial journey is like a road trip, it’s like being on a boat, like battling a hurricane, like blowing bubbles off of Mount Everest (not really, I just made that up). The truth is, while I love a good post with pretty pictures to get me in zen mode before I check my bank account balance for the day, I’m kinda over it. Everyone’s financial journey is different, and you could relate it to anything under the sun if you tried hard enough and drank enough wine.
2) The Emergency Fund-Geez! I think I tweeted about this but if I have to read one more post about an emergency fund I’m going to punch a buttercup in the face (not really, I just made that up). Either people are writing about how important it is to have an emergency fund, or they’re arguing against it. We get it-you need to have one, and if you don’t have one you should. I think everyone who reads any financial blog anywhere on the planet should know by now to have an emergency fund. It’s so important!
3.) Retirement– Talk about beating a dead horse with the biggest stick you can find in the backyard…bloggers talk about retirement even more than about the emergency fund. There are lots of options on how to spend your retirement money that provides fodder for posts (after post, after post…) but there is really only ONE way to plan for it and that’s to sock away money you earn. Sounds easy, right? It actually is unless you are truly living hand-to-mouth. I don’t see how retirement requires multiple posts-you should just put up one sentence that reads : NEWS FLASH-START SAVING FOR RETIREMENT NOW BECAUSE SOCIAL SECURITY ISN’T GOING TO FLOAT YOUR ASS, and that should do the trick.
4.) The Debt Snowball– You mean there is a ball of snow…and I just roll it and roll it until it gets bigger and bigger until I can make a snowman?!! And this is a metaphor for my money?!!
I love reading bloggers who are struggling with debt and coming up with new and inventive ways (in addition to the debt snowball) to cut costs and pay down debt. They are interesting and actually living what they preach. I do not need yet another article that tells me how to create a debt snowball, because I learned how to make a real snowball when I was like…six.
5.) THE DETECTIVE OBVIOUS method for handling xy or z.- Sometimes I read a blog post and I go…….really? I need to pick a college major with my future in mind? I need to go grocery shopping with a list?!! I can corral clutter with baskets found around my home?! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? *eye roll*.
6.) The overly-“Jesusy” personal finance posts- I believe in churches and tithing and doing good deeds. Of course Jesus wants you to pay down your debt, he also wants you to be kind to others,
eat at Chic-fil-a and be in church on Sunday. I don’t, however, think money is evil or that it was the “devil” that stuck the credit card in your hand or made you house-poor. I believe the bible is open to interpretation however you need or want it to be interpreted: that’s the beauty of it. People who take it literally, creep me out. If we go by the bible literally, then my dad should be able to sell me for …cows, or something.
And then I really wouldn’t be blogging about personal finance, now would I?