I only threw the “free” in there so that I could tie it into my “personal finance” theme. Hehe. Still if you follow my advice below, you will have a much more pleasant OKCupid experience.
I have some considerable experience with dating. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it..but the old adage is true-practice makes perfect. And I have had a TON of practice.
So I got back on a free online dating website this weekend. I recommend everyone who is either a) new to a town or b) lives in a smaller area and doesn’t work a job that allows you to meet new people try it out. I’ve never had anything creepy or scary happen to me while dating online. (Most of) The guys are really nice.
Lesson #1: It’s actually the ones you meet in “real life” and that appear to be a little *too* normal you have to keep your eye out for. Something about online dating allows for transparency. If I don’t think you’re cute or funny or that you can spell…. I do not have to write you back. And that’s ok. And if you don’t like me-you don’t have to write me back. It saves everyone a lot of time, but if something appears not right or if your gut tells you to not speak or see that person again, then by all means…follow it.
Lesson #2: Girls—if in a message to you a guy says any of the following: “You look like a fun girl.”. “You seem really honest and open.” “I’d like to get to know you better.” CODE:Those are all sexual innuendos, and he just wants to sleep with you and that is ALL. Move along. Additionally if IN HIS PROFILE: a guy mentions how much of a creeper he isn’t…well chances are he probably is.
Lesson #3: IF you are talking to someone and you can’t tell if they are cute from the profile..always, always, ALWAYS get their FB name. If they don’t want you to have it, it either means they a) look nothing like their pictures or b) have a girlfriend/wife/child at home they don’t want you to know about. If they say something lame like “Oh I don’t have facebook.”, they’re probably a serial killer and you should call the police.
Lesson #4: Girls–the meaner you are in your profiles, the more guys will actually want you. Which just reinforces my theory that men only really want women who are super mean to them. Even if they message you and you’re interested, feel free to warm up a bit…but always keep it slightly mean. Men like a challenge.
Here are just a few of the mean things I have said on OKCupid Today:
On my profile: If you are BALD or losing your hair—sorry do not message me. My Dad and my brother are both bald, so chances are you’re just going to remind me of them. And who wants to date someone who looks like their Dad and their brother?
GenericGuy#1: Hi, I wanted to tell you that you’re beautiful & I would bet you’d be really fun to get to know! Let’s start up a conversation & see where it goes! Sincerely, Michael
Me: You’re so polite! But… No.
GenericGuy#2: You seem like an honest and easygoing person (pop quiz! This is where the alarm bells should go off). So I figured I’d send a message and see if you would like to talk. Up for it? (yet another sexual innuendo, I think)
GenericGuido#1: You look nice. Let’s chat.
Me: You look like you perm your hair. I’m not sure this is going to work out.
To preface this next vignette; I have a picture up of me and my BGF (best gay friend) up on the site. My BGF has really cute Warby Parker glasses on in the picture, and THIS is what homeboy chooses to talk about.
ClosetGay#1: The guy in your pic is wearing glasses very similar to mine. I’m at a loss.
Me: Oh really? He’s my gay bestie. You wouldn’t also happen to be gay?
–I could go on for days showing you how to be mean, but nevertheless they all write me back in one way or another telling me more about themselves, trying to get to know me.
Lesson #5: PLEASE double check your spelling and punctuation and grammar. It makes all the difference and first impressions are everything. If someone has a typo that clearly doesn’t look like a typo and is just how they think something is spelled? Delete. Delete. Delete.
And the last one #6: Why would you ever write “I’m shy” on your profile. It’s not cute. Have you ever wanted to go on a BLIND DATE with someone who describes themselves as shy? I’ve done it, and trust me it’s like pulling teeth to get these people to open up on dates. (Conversely, the shy guy I’m referencing in this post is also the one who took me to the Ruby Tuesday’s in Times Square on our first date–as if being shy wasn’t a big enough strike).